Operation CIO

*stepping onto my soap-box...

Hi, my name is Heather & I let my son cry so that he could learn to "self soothe" & go to sleep on his own. 

Yes people, I let him "cry-it-out." 

*GASP*

While doing my research on the subject, I have learned that letting babies "cry it out" is a VERY controversial subject. If you spend any time on parenting forums or blogs like I do, you will find that some parents feel that crying-it-out (CIO) is equal to child abuse. Some claim there is scientific evidence that CIO can cause lasting damage to a child’s brain. And some will say it is the best thing they ever did for their child & for their family. 

So what exactly does it mean to CIO you ask? I didn't know the true meaning either so that is why I did a little research on the topic. I found that the phrase has many definitions. The actual definition is "a phrase that refers to any method of training a child to sleep through the night that involves allowing a baby to cry for a given amount of time." 

Other definitions I found are: putting the baby down for bed, shutting the door, & not returning until morning, using the version of the method popularized by Richard Ferber, which involves letting the baby cry but returning to comfort him/her at gradually increasing intervals, & allowing the baby to cry but staying with him/her during this time, gradually removing that presence as the baby becomes more comfortable falling asleep on their own.

There are countless variations of “sleep training”/CIO, & all parents handle this transition differently. It is something that most parents tend to shy away from talking about it. Let's face it, no parent likes to feel judged, & personally I try not to judge the way my siblings or friends parent their kids. 

Unfortunately, I have been judged by others in my short 9 months of being a mom & I spent so much time internalizing the self-doubt of was it the right thing to do or not & then felt such fear that I was making the wrong choices for my child. I hated feeling like this so that is why I am writing about this topic with an open-hearted honesty & hope that it will help other parents out there that are feeling the same or are in the same situation.

Before I share my CIO story, let me just say that the love I have for my son is beyond words. The main goal of my every day is doing the best thing possible for him. As a full-time working mother, some days I am extremely overwhelmed by the weight of this responsibility & when someone tells me or I read that I may have harmed my child I take it very seriously.

While you are reading this, please don't judge or criticize. Remember that it is OUR situation & OUR choice to do what is right for OUR family & what may work for us. I can respect that it may not work for you or be right for you so with that said, here is my own personal story of how Mason CIO & started "sleeping through the night". 

So at Mason's 9 month appointment the Pediatrician had asked me if Mason was sleeping through the night. I was truly unsure what he meant by sleeping through the night as I have heard mixed definitions. Was it from the time I put him to bed until the time he woke up? Or a given stretch of time? 

Well, the Ped told me that he considers "STN" a solid 6-7 hour stretch of time. I didn't even need to answer him because the look on my face told him what he needed to know & that is in Mason's short little 9 months of life, he has never "slept thought the night". Not even once. 

*cue the guilt*

I take full responsibility & have had a lot of guilt over why I didn't take control of the situation sooner & establish a better sleeping pattern for him at 6 months like the Ped had told me to. Honestly, I didn't believe in CIO methods & like a lot of others I didn't want Mason to feel like I was abandoning him. I also didn't have the heart to let/hear him cry that long. I also enjoyed all the extra snuggle-time but unfortunately, I created a little monster who would wake up every 3-4 hours & expect his Mama to come in, pick him up, rock him back to sleep & repeat the whole process over again. I started to just stay up until that 11pm "wake-up" because there was no reason for me to go to bed before that. That little boy had ME trained.

After 9 months of this, I felt that my job was being affected, my relationship with my husband was being affected & I found myself getting short-tempered with Mason more & more. I realized just how tired I really was & that something was going to have to give. Mason needs & deserves a functioning mother during the day & I cannot function without sleep.

need and DESERVE a functioning mother during the day. I can NOT function without sleep - See more at: http://www.babyrabies.com/2012/01/watch-me-break-mommy-blogger-commandment-1/#sthash.r6MSCswf.dpuf

need and DESERVE a functioning mother during the day. I can NOT function without sleep - See more at: http://www.babyrabies.com/2012/01/watch-me-break-mommy-blogger-commandment-1/#sthash.r6MSCswf.dpuf

need and DESERVE a functioning mother during the day. I can NOT function without sleep - See more at: http://www.babyrabies.com/2012/01/watch-me-break-mommy-blogger-commandment-1/#sthash.r6MSCswf.dpuf

The Pediatrician told us the tougher of the two parents needed to be the one to do this & most importantly, follow through with it. Shane is a big softie & won't let Mase cry for any amount of time so I knew I was going to have to be the bad guy :(

So the next night I turned off the monitor in our bedroom & told my husband to wear some earplugs & after I put Mase to bed, Operation CIO (Cry It Out) began. 

Night #1: Put him to bed around 7:30pm. He woke up at 10:30pm crying & as instructed by my Pediatrician I walked into his room, hugged & kissed him, told him I loved him, laid him back down & walked out - while he was still crying.

I walked down the hall & proceeded to sit on the top step of our stairs & listen to him scream cry. I was paranoid he was going to get himself so worked up that he would choke or vomit or stop breathing but he never did. It was simply just crying.

Worst. Thing. Ever.

He cried for 32 minutes (yes I was counting the minutes) & it literally hurt my heart. I sat there listening to him with tears running down my face. I wanted to walk in there so many times but I just kept telling myself I am this far into it so I have to stay committed & follow through with it. 

The crying turned into wimpering & then finally he cried himself to sleep. 
After 5 minutes of silence, I checked in on him, covered him back up & went to bed myself. He ended up sleeping until 4:30am where I gave him a bottle, put him back in his crib & he slept until 7am.

Night #2: Put him to bed around 7:30pm. He woke up twice by 11pm & I was instructed not to go into his room by the Ped so I let him cry & after 10 minutes each time he soothed himself back to sleep. He slept until 3:30am where I gave him a bottle, put him back in his crib & he fell back asleep until 6:30am.

Night #3: Put him to bed around 7pm (a little earlier due to the time change). He awoke two times by 11pm & again I was to let him cry without going in his room. He cried for around 5 minutes each time & fell back asleep until 4:30am, where I gave him a bottle & he slept until 6am.

Night #4 & 5: Put him to bed around 7:30pm & didn't hear a peep from him until 4:30am! 

1st night in 9 months & 1 week that he "slept through the night" - whoop whoop!!

Night #6-7: Put him to bed around 7pm & he slept all the way to 6am without making a sound or waking for a bottle!

AMAZING! Operation CIO is a success!

I am sharing my experience with you all because I think it’s important that we as parents find a way to support each other while making those hard decisions rather than tearing each other down because you either disagree or don’t share the same feelings. Unfortunately, there will always be people who criticize, because that’s their character, but as you read this I am hoping you all won't judge me & will respect what had to be done & the way I went about making that happen.

With any situation, sometimes we need to just bite our tongue & give each other space to experiment & find the parenting method that works best for our individual families & in turn respect that we are only doing the very best that we know how to do.

*stepping off of my soap-box"