Blogs, Loss & Hope

Every day I have a routine of checking in to blogger.com & read up on all the blogs that I am following. Some of these blogs are written by girlfriends I know personally, & others I have never even met but find their writing interesting so I follow them. The blogs that I read are so different from one to the next. I have found that people use them for many reasons. Like me, some use it to keep friends and family informed of events in their lives while others use it as an outlet for emotion, frustration or whatever they need to "talk" about. I enjoy reading such a diverse bunch of blogs that run the gamut of all "styles." It is almost like reading a collection of novels as the point of view of each author is unique. Some of these blogs make me laugh while others make me shed a tear! I find that the ones that touch me the most are the stories of loss.

It has been exactly one year ago today that I discovered I was pregnant. Dates never seem to escape my memory for some reason. It has stirred feelings in me this week that I have quietly tucked away & can't help but wonder how our life would be different if we had actually had that child - which was supposed to be due October 17th - see, another unforgotten date! Since I have had to deal with the sadness of a miscarriage, I have discovered many people who have been through this similar loss - in person & through blogs. I have been gradually adding some of these blogs to my list that I follow. Though all our stories are different, we have one thing in common & I seem to feel a connection to them.

A few months ago I joined an infertility forum. It was shortly after Shane & I started our journey with the infertility doctors. Not many of you know that bit of info because I choose not to share our ups & downs on the subject with you all. But I have found a group of girls who I feel I can talk with about our struggles & that is the girls on the infertility forum. Most of the girls on this forum have blogs and write about their struggles with infertility. By reading their stories, I have learned of many people that are dealing with alot of the same issues I am dealing with. It has been really comforting reading about and chatting with these girls while going through the same problems. Unfortunatley, there are others going through far more devastating situations such as mid-late pregnancy loss and the death of an infant. My heart just breaks for them & it is hard to believe that anything can be more devastating than the loss of an infant or child. While I am saddened along with them, I also find that I admire their strength. Along with their pain is hope. I am always in awe of when I see a situation so terrible that you can't imagine there could be an inkling of hope...but it is always there. I'd like to think that it is the presence of God. Some of these women are Christians and some are not...but there is always this "hope" that they will survive their circumstances and move to a more hopeful, joyful place in life.

To me, it has been comforting to read the story of someone who has been through the same tough situation as you & has made it through. I don't think one should ever feel like they are alone in that. I hope that through my blogging that maybe someone will link to someone else's blog or "story" from mine and find hope in it as I have found from theirs! For that is what gets me through this infertility journey.....the HOPE that we will one day have a child of our own.

“Hope is important because it can make the present moment less difficult to bear. If we believe that tomorrow will be better, we can bear a hardship today.” author anonymous