1 month old

Today Mason is 1 month old! Seriously - how is that possible? I guess when you are elbows deep in feedings, diaper changes, sleepless nights, days full of naps, catching up on housework while baby sleeps, paying bills, washing bottles & trying to eat 3 meals a day will make the time fly!? lol

After Mason's bath this morning, I went to put on one of his cute little newborn sleepers & his feet were busting out at the seams :( I grabbed this sleeper & same thing:

Since I knew this would be the last time he would have this little outfit on I made sure to get a picture. Ugh - this made me so sad! As much as I can't wait for little man to get into a more "fun" stage, it makes me sad that he is growing so darn fast. I reached for one of his 3 mos sleepers which looked way big & to my surprise it fit him pretty well with just a bit of room to grow! Looks like it will soon be time to fold up all his "newborn" clothes & put them away :( 

We got in to see his Pediatrician this morning & he agrees with us that Mason has reflux. After weighing him it was also determined that I am more than likely over-feeding him which only makes the reflux & spitting up worse. Epic fail #1 for this mother!  

Mason weighed in at 10 lbs even & the Dr. was fine with that, but compared to what he weighed 2 weeks ago I guess he is gaining weight too quick for his liking. I have been breast-feeding the majority of the time but will supplement with formula when he acts like he is still hungry - which seems to be all the time. I have also been feeding him when he is fussy - which has been ALOT - because the boobies are what consoles him & this mama has been desperate!

So after much discussion, I am to try & space out his feedings to 2 1/2 hours to give his tummy a bit more time to empty before the next feeding & he was also prescribed Zantac to help with the reflux. I am hoping to have a much more content baby in the next few days!?

Happy 1 month birthday little man! We are looking so forward to seeing how much you change next month!

3rd week = ROUGH

People have called, texted, emailed & stopped in all asking me how I have been doing these past few weeks & I have so appreciated everyone's concern. The first couple of weeks weren't too bad as we were all slowly getting into a routine trying to figure things out & basically survive. But this 3rd week.....I ain't gonna lie, it has been a rough one.

I think the reality of life with a newborn has finally set in. My hubby went back to work, my mom went back home to SD & I was left to take care of Mason the majority of the time by myself. To top it all off he became super fussy right at the 3 week mark after everybody left & it eventually broke me. 

I was exhausted to begin with & there was one night around 2am that I was up with him for over 3 hours & no matter what I did, he would not stop fussing. He wouldn't sleep, he didn't want to eat, his diaper was clean but still he was not content. I finally broke down & sobbed while holding him in my arms begging God to please just let this child fall asleep. 

No matter what I did, I couldn't do anything to console my child & I felt like a failure. I felt like I couldn't do this anymore. I felt like I didn't want to do this anymore. For a few hours there I wanted my old life back...before Mason. And then I felt absolutely horrible for even thinking that - especially after all we have been through to have a child. I then pleaded with God to please forgive me for even thinking that.

Mason finally managed to fall asleep around 5:30am that morning & I pulled myself together, got a couple hours of sleep & managed to get through another day. Needless to say, we haven't had anymore nights like that one which I am SO very thankful for but my little guy still continues to be super fussy. 

After referring to Dr. Google & my other "go-to" resource - my sister - we have determined that Mason is suffering from either colic or reflux. All signs & symptoms point to reflux & after a few more miserable, inconsolable evenings this past week, it is time to call the Pediatrician. Will keep you posted on what we find out.

The day after my rough night, I ironically stumbled across this blog & this post. It is pretty spot on as to how every new mother feels in the beginning - especially for me & I feel like I could have written it word for word. It says everything a new mother has ever wanted to say or feel but was ashamed to & it is too good not to pass along. So enjoy:

So I was hanging out the other day with a friend who has a newborn. A freaking gorgeous newborn boy, to be exact.

He is her first baby. She has recently become a mother.

You know, when we hear those words we hear them like it’s no big deal – “become a mother,” like you might “become a doctor” or “become a pet owner.” As if it’s just this thing that happens, without anything else happening – it’s just this exciting addition to one’s life. You add this new thing and go about your business.

Like a new-home owner, or a resident of a new town.

“A mother.”

But this particular transition comes with a cost. A BIG ONE, yet nobody really talks about it.

And if you do talk about it, you have “postpartum depression.”

I have an idea: let’s talk about it, right here and right now, and call it nothing other than a human, adult reaction to a giant shift in identity, a presence of mind recognizing the end of an entire chapter of life, a heart mourning the woman that once was, and a soul shaking under the weight of a new giant world.

I’ve talked about it a little before, and in my case I actually DID have postpartum depression, and obviously I’m not trying to say that having these feelings does not indicate PPD (um DUH). What I’m saying is that it seems to me that every woman who becomes a mother, no matter how much she loves her kid or wants to be a mom, will most likely, at some point, mourn the loss of her previous identity.

And it will hurt.

You’re sitting in the house a few weeks after your perfect baby is born. Everybody has gone home. 

The help is gone. Your husband (or wife) is back at work.

Your belly is still sagging. Your boobs are exploding. You’re bleeding still, maybe, but you’re definitely leaking milk. There are big pools of it on your bed and couch and everywhere. You don’t really sleep, but rather fade in and out of a half-sleep, alongside your baby, checking him every hour, acutely aware of his breath, as if it were a freight train roaring through the room: do I hear it? Yes, I hear it.

Breathe.

His temperature, his blanket. He stirs and you’re there, boom. Awake. You are infinitely connected. You seem to be melting into this tiny body. He wakes and you stare into his eyes, struck and dumbfounded at his beauty. You coo at him and notice the way he moves his mouth, as if he wants to speak. What will he say?

Someday he will speak. And you know you know him better than everybody else, and always will, and you know when he’s sleeping you’re there when nobody else is there, and you’re watching him breathe so you can breathe and watching him sleep to drift into your own.

And you’re falling into a love you’ve never known. It’s like quicksand; the more you struggle the deeper you fall. Only you’re not struggling, because it’s a gorgeous catastrophe, and there’s nowhere else to go.

But you watch people leave, too. You watch your husband go to work. You see friends come and go, bright and capable with energy and direction, as if the world is still going on outside, out there.

And you’re isolated and stuck.

As you watch them there are moments, moments when you remember when you used to run around and visit people and live your life and work and be alone. You remember when your body was just your own and you were thinner and felt contained and like the owner of your boobs and vagina and life. You remember having a couple shots of tequila or maybe a cigarette with some friends, and you did it like it was nothing, never knowing it was somebody who was going to stand like an old friend some day, a thousand miles away.

You were twenty, twenty-three, thirty, thirty-five. You were free and young and somebody else.

We were free and young and somebody else.

But now, we’re mothers.

At some point the reality will hit us: We are never alone again, no matter where we are, and we are the only ones in the world who have become this person toward this child.

Yeah, that’s right. I said it. NOT EVEN THE DAD.

It’s hard to put into words, but something becomes very apparent when a baby enters a relationship: there is something different between my relationship with this baby, and everybody else in the world.
I am the only one who is The Mother to this child twenty-four hours a day, and will be for the rest of my life.

I’m not trying to speak for everybody. Obviously. I’m speaking for myself, and for my friends, who 
I’ve seen living the same beautiful catastrophe.

My husband went back to work relatively soon after the baby was born. So his life, though obviously irrevocably changed, goes on in more or less the same way it was before. My husband’s sleep patterns haven’t changed. My husband’s body isn’t suddenly owned by a 9-pound nursing machine. My husband’s vagina isn’t...well, let’s change the subject. My husband doesn’t have stretch marks. My husband didn’t give birth.

My husband doesn’t spend hours eye-locked with the newborn, cooing and talking with infinite fascination with a ball of chub. My husband doesn’t pick at the baby’s head and eyes and ears like an attentive monkey.

My husband didn’t become a mother, but I did.

And there are moments when I know it. There are moments when I look at that baby and myself and feel my body that isn’t my body and wonder if maybe I didn’t make the biggest mistake of my life, because what have I given up? What have I done? Was I ready?

Why didn’t I appreciate my life more, when it was mine? What if I want to leave one day? I’ll never be able to leave one day, ever.

I’ve been the same woman my whole life. What about her? Where is she? Is she just dead?

Yes, she is just dead.

Does that seem harsh? Well, it is. So is motherhood.

Perhaps we can soften this whole thing by saying our identities are “transformed,” or we are “forever changed,” but the fact of the matter is that the woman you once were is gone, and she will never come back.

Period.

You can pretend she’s not dead. You can even leave your family and act like a kid again and not a mother. But you will not be free, and you will die under the weight of your lies, because you know you’re something else, and there’s a little girl out there who misses her mama, and has replaced her with a box full of notes and cards and memories and yearning.

I’m speaking from experience.

I will never live a single day as an individual. Always, somewhere, my heart will be beating for that child. Always, somewhere, though I may not even know it, my mind has wrapped itself around her, wondering how she is, seeing a shirt or dog or book, “She would love that.” I miss her.

One thousand miles away, but tied.

And so she’s gone, that woman. Old friend who partied with you and spent hours absorbed in herself, her work. She’s gone, that girl that lived for herself, and maybe you for a moment, but always, in the end, for herself.

And yet, I’m still here. This is still me. I am untouched, unscathed. So maybe I have not died?

If I died, how am I here, nursing and changing and mothering this baby? Who’s doing this work now?

And who is she?

I don’t know her yet, but I will. I’ll know the woman who wraps her baby against her chest and storms the world. I’ll know the woman who goes back to work with one foot and her heart at home, always. I’ll meet the woman who races to preschool to get there on time and holds little hands and chases kids in restaurants. I’ll meet the woman who disciplines. I’ll meet the woman who yells. I’ll meet the woman who works to be better, who holds a child as it grows and grows and grows and I’ll meet the woman who does it a couple more times, until she’s the one sitting by a friend and a newborn, telling her it’s alright, talking about death, and rebirth.

OF A MOTHER.

Thinking my god, I guess I’ve known her all along.

A Week of "Firsts"

Mason's 2nd week of life has been full of many "firsts" & we made sure to take lots of pictures to capture all these first-time moments!

Mason met his Grandma (my mother) for the first time as she came to visit us for the week. They enjoyed lots of snuggle-time & Grandma spoiled little man by buying several new outfits to add to his wardrobe while she was here. We were both sad to see her head back to South Dakota but are hoping she & Grandpa head back this way in the spring.

With the flu & colds running rampant around the area, we had several friends/family who were sick or had been exposed to others that were sick the week that Mason was born & were unfortunately unable to visit us. Once they all got a clean bill of health, they made sure to make there way over to meet the little guy. 

Our 1st visitor was my dear friend Jenn who is also pregnant with her first child. She is having a little girl named Ava & is due early April. I have SO enjoyed being pregnant at the same time as her & having a "buddy" to share the ups & downs of pregnancy with. I can't wait until her little girl is here & for her to experience this wonderful thing called motherhood! We are excited to have many play-dates in the future & we both think that her little girl & Mason are going to be boyfriend/girlfriend when they get older ;)  

Shane's brother was another victim of the flu during Mason's birth so he unfortunately had to wait over a week & 1/2 to meet his nephew! He is a very proud uncle of his one & only nephew & took many pics to share with friends & family:

Of all my "game-night" girls, my friend Melissa was the only one out of the group who hadn't met Mason yet. She too had a bad cold last week & waited until she was back to good health before she came & met our little man. It was so nice getting to see her & be able to catch up - just the two of us for a change! 

Mason's umbilical cord fell off on day 13 so for the first time, he was now able to take a real bath - which you can tell by the picture that he clearly hated every minute of it:

My dear friend Autumn was exactly one week ahead of me with her pregnancy & she ended up delivering sweet baby girl Isabella 2 days after I had Mason. It was so awesome getting to share this pregnancy journey together & now we get to share the journey of "mommy-hood" together!

This past week Autumn invited Mason & I over to her house to meet her precious little girl. It was Mason's first "play-date" with Isabella & even though he pretty much slept through it, I'm pretty sure the 2 minutes he was awake it was love at first sight ;) I think Jenn's little girl Ava may have some competition in the future!? We are looking very forward to many more "dates" with Isabella & her beautiful mommy Autumn!

Mason celebrated his very first Valentine's Day & got in the spirit by wearing a cute little outfit given to him by his Uncle Steve & Aunt Meghan. He truly is a little "heart breaker" ;)

We assembled Mason's Rainforest activity mat last week & here is a pic of him on it for the first time. He loved watching all the animals hanging from the bars, listening to the music & watching all the colorful lights (which aren't seen in this pic):

I can hardly believe my little guy will be 3 weeks old on Monday! Seriously, where has the time gone?? We are looking SO forward to many more "firsts" in the upcoming year & being able to share them with you all!

Mason's 1st Week

Mason's 1st week home has been a bit of a whirl-wind! I have somehow lost track of what day it is or even what the date is so please forgive me for the lack of posts! I know you have all been dying to see pics of Mason & hear how a "Day in the Life of HT" has been with a newborn. Well, as tired as we are, I must say this little guy is awesome, has captured our hearts & we are so in love! 

Last Wednesday was our first night home with him & I'm not going to lie, it was a bit rough as we had no idea what we were doing with this little guy! But we survived the night & woke up the next morning thankful to have gotten through it. I literally now know what the phrase "sleeping with one eye open" means!! I am happy to say though that the nights have gotten easier, we are establishing a routine & things are going really well! (knock on wood)

On Thursday, his 2nd day home, we had our 1st appointment with the Pediatrician to do a weight check & see how he was doing overall. Here he is all ready for his first outing:

 

He had a good appointment but was found to be a little underweight & jaundice so we talked about supplementing formula in between breast feeding & was sent home with UV light therapy to bring his Bilirubin levels down. We returned to the Ped's office on Friday & his Bili levels weren't going up any higher but weren't coming down either so unfortunately we had to keep him on the light therapy through the weekend. We returned once again to the Ped's office Monday, Feb 4th & his Bili levels came way down & his coloring was much better so we were finally able to get rid of the lights! 

Here is a blurry pic of me & my little "glo-worm" catching some ZZZZ's: 

And Mason with his Daddy - zzzzzzzz:

And another couple cute pic's of our little man:

 

Needless to say, the first week around here has been all about getting lots of sleep - for everyone!!

In the first week, Mason also got his first sponge bath! (Never-mind his Mama looking like a "hot-mess"):

We also have been getting in lots of snuggle-time:

Life with a newborn is a huge adjustment, definitely overwhelming & very tiring but this Mama wouldn't change it for anything! I find myself staring at this precious miracle all the time, thanking God for our blessings & I can hardly believe that this is our life now.

Baby T's Birthday - part 2

Mon, Jan 28th, 2013 - 1:50pm

9.5 cm meant that it was "GO" time & things started to move real fast! They had paged the OB & in a matter of a few minutes, my cozy little room turned into a delivery room. In wheeled the surgical table, out came the stirrups, in came my OB & just like that I was instructed to start pushing! 

I got a little scared as things around us moved so quickly & I couldn't comprehend that in just a short time our little boy would be here. I looked over & saw that my hubby seemed to have that same "fearful" look on his face so I reached over, grabbed his hand & asked him if he was ready for this. He responded "hells yeah" (which is such a typical answer coming from him) & at that moment I knew it was all going to be ok.

I pushed for about 30 minutes & at 2:24 pm our little miracle - Mason James - arrived into this world! I think this picture pretty much sums up all the raw emotion I felt at that moment:

He weighed 7 lbs 4oz & was 20.5 inches long:

Proud Mommy with Mason:

  

And an even prouder Papa with his son:

 

We walked in to the hospital as a family of two & are leaving the hospital as a family of three & we couldn't be more in love with this little guy:

Like father like son:

I feel so very blessed to have had such an uneventful, fast, easy labor & my hubby was such a rockstar through it all! We can't wait to get Mason home & begin our new life as a family of three!

Baby T's Birthday

Sunday - Jan 27th, 2013 

I can't believe the time has finally come. Hopefully by this time tomorrow we will be meeting our son. I am so full of emotions right now but am trying to embrace every minute up until our little boy's arrival. 

I am going to write down all the events leading up to Baby T's arrival just so I have a record of it & I don't forget anything. Hence the "informality" of this post - it is more for our keepsake but wanted to share our experience with you all ;)

 - We were admitted at 8:30pm & the next hour involved going over paperwork, getting an IV, getting hooked up to the monitors, going over my "do's & don't's" for the next 12 hours & lastly inserting the Cervidil to get my labor "jump-started". The nurse did an internal exam right before she inserted the medicine & I was bummed to hear that I was 0% effaced & 0 cm dilated - however she said my cervix was very soft so things were beginning to "progress somewhat" down there - not at all what I had wanted to hear. The Cervidil was to stay in for 10 hours & they were going to remove it by 6am & see where I was at. Spent lots of time praying to the "cervix dilating" God's to pretty please make some sort of magic happen down there by morning!

Monday - Jan 28th, 2013

 - I slept pretty good up until around 4am where I ended up having a lot of cramping & contractions so I was praying that things were starting to work. If not we would have to start with fresh Cervidil & wait another 10 hours. The nurse checked me again & I was thrilled to hear that I was 90% effaced & 3 cm dilated - whoop whoop! If I could have gotten out of bed I would have done a happy dance! Soon after, she started the Pitocin drip & my contractions were off to a good start. I managed to spend the next 4 hours breathing & getting through them the best I could.

By 11am, the contractions were getting pretty strong & a little more difficult to manage. In 4 hours I had only gone from 3 to 5 cm & I was starting to imagine a horribly long labor & I think panic kind of set in. As tough & strong as I wanted to be through it all, I ended up caving & asked for the epidural. I just didn't think mentally or physically I could go all day without the relief.

The CRNA came up shortly after my request & inserted the epidural which to my surprise didn't hurt as much as I thought it would. Until I felt this horrible "zinging" several times down my right leg as he adjusted the catheter. I uncontrollably kicked poor Shane who was trying to comfort me & then as quick as it began it was all done. I started to relax after my legs went numb & was relieved to know it would be smooth-sailing from here on out. That is until an hour later when I could STILL feel my contractions - which were getting more & more intense. It was now around noon & I was at 6cm. After much discussion with my nurse & Shane, I had decided to go ahead & ask another CRNA to come up & re-do the epidural. I was hesitant to ask again because I didn't know what the "norm" was  - was I to feel the contractions somewhat? should I not be feeling anything? my legs are numb so why was I feeling all the contractions? did the epidural not work? would a 2nd one work? -   & I hated to be considered "one of those patients." But according to my nurse she said what I was feeling was not normal & suggested they re-do it so I took her advice & that is what we did. 

I felt no discomfort with the 2nd epidural & almost immediately I couldn't feel my contractions either. My nurse was watching the monitor & had asked me "did you feel that contraction?" & I answered her "what contraction?" & she laughed & said "that is more like it"! Ah - relief! SO glad they talked me into getting another one. 

 

 Relief after the 2nd epidural & our very last picture as a "family of two" :)

It was around 1:15 pm when I started feeling "pressure" in my bottom with each contraction. I wasn't supposed to be checked again until 1:45pm but called the nurse in to ask her about this "pressure" & I jokingly asked if Baby T could start crowning without me knowing it. She replied more than likely no, but would check me just to relieve my fear. I remember the look on her face clearly after that last internal check. Her eyes got big & said "um - are ready to have a baby? You are 9.5cm & his head is right there!" I remember looking over at Shane, grabbing his hand & I am sure we both looked terrified - excited, nervous, happy & yes - definitely terrified!

At that moment, I thought things got real several days ago - but let me tell you the minute I heard her say that, shit got real X's 10 & I remember this scared feeling came over me & I thought holy shit - this is really happening - we are about to have a baby!! 

I think at that moment my denial went out the window & I had finally accepted that we were going to be taking home this precious miracle from God.

...to be cont'd

Nursery Reveal

I just realized I never revealed to you all what the nursery looks like! We are really pleased with how it turned out & I can't tell you how many times I have gone in there just to sit in the super comfy chair, look around & just take it all in.

Before the room was transformed into a nursery, it was our office/computer room. Here are a few before pics:

The book shelf, desk & computer are all now located in the basement. Let the transformation begin! Here Shane & I starting to paint the walls with Kilz:

It took us 2 weekends to get it all done & I absolutely love it! Unfortunately the pictures don't truly show the "warmness" of the room & all the colors. The walls look yellow in the pics but in person it is more of a caramel color. The furniture is an espresso color, the drapes & glider are a khaki color that matches the crib skirt & the blue throw rug ties in to the crib bedding & the blue in the pictures on the wall. 

Here is our finished project:

The only thing that is left to do is add a few things to the wall next to the glider. I ordered 2 espresso colored 3' floating wall shelves which will go above the glider. I am going to rest the picture that is there now on one of them with some other "trinkets" & the 2nd shelf I am going to put books on. Kind of like this Pinterest-inspired idea:

They should be here sometime next week so looking forward to finishing that last little touch! And then, the nursery will be complete :)

Retailers:
Circus Friends nursery bedding: Pottery Barn Kids 
Gingham blackout drapes: Pottery Barn Kids
Circus prints: Etsy
Crib/dresser: JCPenny
Glider: JCPenny
Throw rug: JCPenny
Chair end table: Hobby Lobby
Lamp: Walmart
Letters: bought at Jo-Ann Fabrics & made them myself
Teddy: purchased at Costco & given to Baby T as a gift

39 weeks

Wow - I can hardly believe I am posting my very last update & taking my very last photo with Baby T in my belly. As I type this, I am kickin' it here in my hospital bed getting ready for "eviction day" tomorrow & by the time this is posted, my induction will be well on it's way. It all seems so surreal...

This pregnancy has gone by super fast & honestly I couldn't have asked for a better 9 months! I have had no complications (other than a little hypertension), my weight gain is right where we wanted it to end up, I haven't been uncomfortable (other than this past week), have had no swelling, have slept pretty well during the night & other than some annoying heartburn & reflux I just really have no complaints with how things have gone. I can honestly say I have LOVED every minute of being pregnant. This may be the only time I get to experience pregnancy & I am so thankful I had such a positive & healthy experience. With that said I have SO many emotions running through me & I want to put them in writing to make sure I never forget this feeling at this moment.

I am going to seriously miss feeling Baby T's kicks, rolls & hiccups & even though we will meet him soon - this makes me sad. Doesn't that sound crazy? I think it's because I know he is safe in my belly - protected from sickness, hurt, & harm & it will be a lot harder to protect him from those things on the outside. 

(& cue the tears....)

I worry about being a good mother. I worry about being a good wife while I am trying to be a good mother. I am saddened that it will no longer be "just me & Shane" as it has been for the last 12 years. I am worried our time will be all about the baby & the furries will feel neglected. I worry the furries won't accept the new baby & will be nothing but troublesome for us. I worry about an extremely long labor. I worry about complications & fear the unknown of what today will bring us.

Ugh - so many thoughts running through my head. What I do know is that our world is about to be turned upside down - for the better - & I just hope I am able to handle all the changes that will come with it along with my hubby.

Only time will tell.

So with that said, I guess the next time you see a post, it will be about Baby T's arrival & the name will finally be revealed to all who keep asking me what it is :)

How far along? 39 weeks- baby should weigh a bit over 7 lbs & measures around 20 inches long

Symptoms: LOTS of contractions, lots of pressure on bladder, lower back aches along with my hips, developed a serious "waddle" this week!

Weight gain/loss: 0 lbs +/- at my appt last week - holding steady at 22 lbs gained so far

Maternity clothes? oh yes - all the time

Sleep: This week sleep has gone down hill. I wake up at 1am & again at 3 am & can't fall back asleep so I am up for the morning. Either my body is getting ready for Baby T's existance or I am too nervous/excited/anxious about his delivery & can't turn my mind off - probably a little of both.

Food cravings/aversions: none really as my appetite has really decreased this week

Movement? Baby T is still rolling all around in there. I can tell his head is right on top of my bladder with each roll & it is starting to get pretty uncomfortable.

What I miss: Sleep, my energy, being able to bend over to put on socks or shoes!
 
Best moment(s) this week: this past Friday was my last day of work for 3 whole months - whoop whoop!!

What I'm looking forward to: meeting this little guy :)

Next appointment: Will see my OB a week after Baby T's arrival.

Milestones: Baby T's waiting to greet the world! He continues to build a layer of fat to help control his body temperature after birth, but it's likely he already measures about 20 inches & weighs a bit over 7 pounds. The outer layers of his skin are sloughing off as new skin forms underneath. Won't be long now!

38 weeks

How far along? 38 weeks - at our growth scan this past week Baby T was estimated to weigh 6lbs 4 oz & should be over 19 inches long

Symptoms: Lower back pain & abdominal cramping with contractions started this week. The heartburn/reflux is much better since he has dropped a bit & I have really noticed a "slow down" in my movements & energy this week!

Weight gain/loss: 0 lbs +/- at my appt last week - holding steady at 22 lbs gained so far

Maternity clothes? oh yes - all the time

Sleep: Still going good. Not too uncomfortable yet - still get up a couple of times during the night!

Food cravings/aversions: my appetite has really slowed this week so not really having any cravings of anything specific

Movement? All the time. Not as many kicks but can feel him rolling all around. SO strange to watch my belly when he is moving! Looks like a little alien is trying to get out of my tummy :)

What I miss: being able to bend over to do simple things

Best moment(s) this week: my blood pressure's have been stable so no unexpected early delivery of Baby T

What I'm looking forward to: meeting this little guy :)

Next appointment: Wed, Jan 23rd - weekly biophysical ultrasound, NST check & OB visit

Milestones: Baby T has a firm grasp, which we'll soon be able to test when we hold his hand for the first time! His organs have matured & are ready for life outside the womb - which isn't too far away!

Eviction Notice

Went in for my weekly check this past Friday & I am happy to report me & Baby T are doing good. Baby T passed his sono with flying colors & appears to be in no distress. My BP has been holding steady in the 130's/80's, there was no protein in my 24 hour urine collection, my labs all came back within normal limits & I have minimal swelling. 

So no signs of pre-eclampsia...just pregnancy-induced hypertension. When I exert myself or do too much my pressure goes up but comes right back down with rest so it has been manageable. I have been taking it pretty easy this past week & Shane has been super helpful around the house with getting stuff done for me.

At this appointment we also discussed with my OB our birth plan & what we would like to see happen. Then she burst my little bubble as she explained to us what she would prefer to happen. As you can guess we all weren't exactly on the same page.

I had these lovely visions of working all the way up until my water broke on it's own & then having this smooth, flawless natural delivery. My OB pretty much jolted me back to reality pretty quick when she said how she doesn't want me going past 40 weeks due to my age, being hypertensive, high risk with a known clotting factor, etc & then she threw the "I" word at us.....induction :(

Ugh - I SO didn't want to hear that. My little dreams of everything going naturally were crushed. However, after she explained to us that the potential risks of waiting for labor to start on it's own are far higher than the risks of the procedures used to get my labor going so I guess it didn't sound so bad. In the end, she is only looking after me & Baby T's well-being. I would hate for something detrimental to happen to me or Baby T just because I was being selfish & wanted this "perfect" natural birth to happen so we eventually agreed & were all on the same page once again.

So with that said, Baby T has officially been given his "eviction notice":

I am to be admitted the evening of Sunday, Jan 27th where they will check my cervix & see if I have thinned out or started to dilate. If things aren't progressing, then they will apply medication to the cervix overnight to try to get things going on their own. If my cervix IS ready to go & I have started to dilate a few centimeters, then they will break my water & hope labor starts on it's own. If it doesn't start on it's own then they will start Pitocin & hope things happen from there. Regardless of which route is taken, Baby T will be making his entrance into the world on either Jan 28th or 29th.

Which if anyone is doing the math that is only 8 days away. Wait......what??

8 days??? There's that denial thing again.

I can hardly believe that in 1 week we will be meeting our little miracle. Feels more like a dream than reality right now. I guess whether we are ready or not he will be here - in eight. short. days.

Looks like I need to finish packing my hospital bag :)

Bully Love

This is a typical evening here at the Taylor household :)

It consists of me kickin' it on the couch watching TV with a bulldog on my right & a bulldog on my left - literally laying in my lap. These two don't leave my side, are very protective of me since I have been pregnant & LOVE their Mama!

It will definitely be interesting to see what happens with the Bullies once Baby T gets here! They are going to have to share their Mama & I have a feeling they may not like it!?

Creeping Up

Due to my age, clotting factor & high-risk status, to say I have made it to 37 weeks without any complications is amazing - maybe even miraculous? I should have known that things were going TOO well!? I also learned a very important lesson this week - at 37 weeks you should have your hospital bag packed by now!

At my 36 week appointment, Baby T had his ultrasound & scored 8/8, my amniotic fluid level was good & he did awesome during his non-stress test! Then it came time to check my blood pressure - 142/100! 

Whoa - what? I have run 120's/60's this entire pregnancy so how can this be? The nurses seemed quite concerned so they made me lay on my left side for 20 minutes & then re-checked it. They warned me that if it wasn't coming down I would be admitted to the hospital & asked if I had my bag packed yet.

My bag? Um no, there is no bag packed because I have PLENTY of time to pack my bag. For some reason I just couldn't go there mentally. Call it denial, I guess. I told the nurse I didn't have any bag packed & she looked at me shocked & said "um, you need to get that bag packed sister"! At that moment, shit just got real!

Luckily, my BP had come down to my norm so they let me go on to work but they wanted me to check it randomly throughout the day until next week's appointment. If it were to creep back up I was to call the office & speak to the nurse. I also had to get labs drawn before I left.

The next day they called with my lab results. My uric acid & creat levels were slightly elevated. Along with the hypertension, this signals the beginning stages of pre-eclampsia - boo :( The rest of the week my pressure remained in a "safe-zone" never getting higher than 130's/80's & I only had mild ankle swelling but come the weekend I was unable to check my BP so I tried to just take it easy & not do anything too strenuous - which included NOT packing my hospital bag.

Monday proved that things can change in a skinny minute.

It was around 2pm & I noticed I had a headache & was seeing "floaters" in my vision so thought it be best I checked my BP. Well, it was 145/95 :( I really hadn't been doing anything other than a lot of walking so I sat down with my feet elevated  for about 20 minutes & then checked it again - 151/90. I then made the phone call to the Dr's office. It took them 2 hours to call me back which was kind of annoying but once they finally called they told me to go directly to St. Lukes South to be admitted for overnight monitoring. Shit just got real again & I STILL didn't have my bag packed yet! Ugh....should have packed that damn thing last week!!

I made my way to the hospital, called a few peeps to give them a "heads up" of what was going on, got admitted, hooked up to the fetal monitor, had labs drawn, started a 24 hour urine collection & was monitored until the next morning.

I have to mention that my dear friend Jill is a God-send! She drove to my house without hesitation, let the dogs out, fed them, packed an overnight bag for me & spent a couple of hours with me at the hospital keeping me company watching the KU game until Shane could get there! Such a blessing to have her in my life!

My BP eventually came down after laying in bed for a few hours & Baby T was a rock-star on the monitor. I also noticed I was having lots of contractions throughout the night & it was kind of cool seeing them on the monitor which didn't affect Baby T at all so that was a good sign. Since I was having contractions, the nurse did a cervical check to see if I was dilated at all (which was NOT pleasant) & was disappointed to hear I was 0 cm dilated & my cervix was still "high & closed". With only 3 weeks left & all these contractions this past week I was hoping I was starting to dilate a bit but no go :(

After an uneventful night, one of my OB's partners came by to see me in the morning & let me know that he was pleased with the downward trend of my BP's, my lab results all came back normal, Baby T looked great on the monitor & all was good enough for me to go home. YAY - was so relieved to hear that! As much as I want to meet Baby T, I wasn't ready for hospital bed rest, talk of inductions or even C-sections!

So my instructions this week are to "take it easy", recline whenever possible with my feet up, continue checking BP's randomly throughout the day, notify the office if it goes above 140's/90's again & oh, get my hospital bag packed!!!

I have my follow-up & weekly appointment on Friday morning so we will hopefully get through the week & go from there. As of right now Baby T isn't coming anytime soon & I am ok with that!!