Grieving

Well it has been a week since we lost Bubba & my heart still hurts something awful :( Yesterday the ER vet hospital called saying his ashes were ready to be picked up. I went after work to get him & in a strange way it made me feel better knowing he was back home with us where he belonged.

I have ordered a super nice urn with his name on it & am waiting for that to be delivered hopefully next week.

The night we lost him, I drove home & Shane & I stayed up until 1am crying, sharing funny stories of Bentley, looking at pictures of him & desperately missing him. We finally fell asleep & I ended up taking that next day off of work because I just wasn't in any shape to be there. I took Mase to daycare, went back home & spent the day loving on Millie, crying my eyes out, grieving with Shane & missing our sweet boy.

Getting through this week without him has been a bit rough. Everywhere I look I expect him to be laying there, under my feet, pawing at me from my side of the bed. Ugh - it is so very sad. Millie has been looking all over the house for Bentley which has been absolutely heartbreaking. She isn't eating, is clearly depressed & has been laying in the spot Bentley used to sleep which she has never done.

Mason keeps asking a hundred questions "where did Bubba go? when is he coming back? why did he die? where is he? why did he go to doggie heaven? can I go see him?" The questions just never stop & it is SO hard to explain it to a 3 year old who doesn't get it. It is like reliving the horrible incident over & over again every single day. He gets upset when he sees me cry & just doesn't understand any of it. Honestly I think that has been the most difficult in all of this. We went to the book store & bought a couple of books about doggie heaven which are on a level he can somewhat understand so reading those to him have helped. I am hoping that with each day that passes it will get easier.

These beautiful flowers showed up the day after from my amazing "Mama Tribe" which helped brighten my day! They are still just as gorgeous a week later.

Now I know some of you reading this are thinking "it is just a dog - for gosh sake get over it already" but for those of you who have lost a furry member of your family I know you get it.

Bentley was with us for 11 1/2 years & to us he was as much a member of our family as Mason is. He is going to be so desperately missed & even though losing him has been heartbreaking, I wouldn't trade a minute or a day of the time we had with him.